LOVE KICKS BUTT

Happy (or not so happy) Valentine's Day

I don't know many people who are going to be happy on Valentine's Day. Mostly, we're all just melodramatic teenagers who eat tubs of ice cream and watch, I don't know, The Notebook or something. I don't do that though. I mean, I don't watch The Notebook. I watch period films and comedies. Nicholas Sparks is just bad. Seriously, 99% of the stuff he writes are made up of cheeseballs and lies.

But, this blog post isn't about terrible books-turned-movies. This blog post is about today. Valentine's Day.

Although not all of us are bitter cat ladies who eat relationships for breakfast, I still feel that it's necessary to write about whatever you're going to get to read below.

Let's start.

#1

Until recently, I wouldn't know what to say or do if anyone had come up to me wailing because they love somebody who doesn't love them back. I'd probably just stand there awkwardly till they stop snivelling, then I'd give them a hug and try  to blurt out a slew of advice. It was only when my sister came home crying that I finally came up with my best and only successful metaphor (let's face it I am terrible at metaphors). And so it goes:

I had this one favorite sweater that I found behind my closet. My relationship with that sweater went steady for two amazing years. Well, guess what?

Yep, it got lost. I was devastated. To this day, the loss of said sweater is still the biggest disaster of my life.

So began the yearlong manhunt for a new favorite sweater. I searched high and low in aisles of all the shops you could think of. I had tried on many different kinds and made the mistake of buying some, thinking that they were The One. Still, no luck. That is, until last month.

To begin with, I don't shop in Gap but they had a New Year sale and I wouldn't pass that up. Although I had thought that my visit would only spawn heartbreak, I decided to round the corner to the Gap Kids section and lo and behold! There it was. The perfect favorite sweater.

Your ex or crush or whoever it may be is just my lost sweater. You'll feel miserable and crestfallen, yes, but you will find someone better. And though you might not find them in Forever 21 or any other place you'd expect to unearth a sweater, don't give up hope. The perfect one might just be waiting for you in a Gap store.

disclaimer: boyfriends and girlfriends are not for sale in any Gap outlet. Please understand my metaphor.


#2

Don't have a Valentine? Well, don't drag your ass around trying to find one. You don't need one.

It's Single Awareness Day and all you should do is be proud that you own yourself. You are a free and independent human being, you don't need impractical syrupy love to come knocking at your door all the time.

I know today is like a slap to your very single self, but, aren't we all truly alone whether we are nursing a relationship or not? You deserve a high five for your individualism!

One more thing I hate about all this crap is the saccharine way society perceives romance. We grow up being taught that girls should have boyfriends (or girlfriends, if you're into that) and, according to Disney, there is simply no other way that we can achieve our "happy ending." In consequence, today's teenagers are too busy finding love in other people that they end up never learning how to properly love themselves first.

Take care of yourself. Once you're comfortable with who you are, that is when people will truly appreciate and love you.

- - -

This post is dedicated to my sister and all my heartbroken friends. Remember that even though your significant he/she is a little shit, I'll always be here for you.

RESOLUTIONS.

I'm not much for big events. I'm especially terrified of New Year's. But, maybe 2014 won't be so bad. I hope.

Let's talk about resolutions.

Maybe you don't make resolutions. Maybe you do, and keep them. But, I'm guessing plenty just end up forgetting (a.k.a. me.) I've tried to keep my resolutions, unfortunately things never end up the way I'd wanted them to. I stopped making them at age 12.

This year, though. 2013. It's made me re-evaluate a lot of things about myself and my life. I've learned a whole lot that it scares me sometimes how much I've opened up. In light of trying to better myself, I decided to come up with resolutions for 2014. And I've decided to share it here just so I can never forget.

• Read. Write. Keep a Journal.
• Make art. Paint. Draw. Even when it's ugly.
• Post on this blog more. Just cause it helps.
• Get healthy: eat right! Exercise!
• STUDY! Hard.
• Clean your room! Fix your room!
• Buy clothes that you like. Don't buy clothes that other people like. Be you.
• Stop going on the internet by 10 (whenever it's a school day ha)
• Be friends with your enemies. Be friends with your ex. Idk. Just be friends with people.
• Get angry. Throw a ball around your room. Break a pencil. But get over it after a day or less.
• Get sad. Cry. Punch a pillow. Wail. Scream. But remember that you're meant to be happy too.
• Learn when to say your shit and learn when to stop when what you're saying is shit.
• Mind your business. No one likes a snoop.
• Volunteer for charities. Learn that there are bigger problems than having an average high school life.
• Give. And don't expect anything in return. 
• Be gentle. With yourself and others.
• Inner peace. Achieve it.

- - -

First playlist of the year will be up soon!

HIDING

November 9

School is looming over the hours I spend scouring Rolling Stone's website and flipping book pages. Tomorrow is the last of wearing pyjamas the whole day, after that I have to go back to boring, black and white (or green) uniforms. That makes me a bit sad. I've been living in my pjs and cute socks for a week. 

On the bright side, our intrams will be held next week. That's always fun. I don't think my batch is prepared, but, I think we'll do okay. And we get to not have classes, just mess around and watch volleyball games. That works for me because we've got soliloquy presentations coming up and I haven't written a single word of mine. I didn't even choose an emperor to write about yet. oops. 

And school means I no longer have to force myself to endure awkward meals with my family. But, it also means I have to keep a happy charade going once again. Like the cliche, overrated saying goes: Hide behind a smile.

I'm so tired although I've been in bed forever. And it's the worst month to be alive. Well, just the worst month to go to school. I can't wait until Christmas comes around.  Maybe the milk & cookies and my holiday socks will cheer me up, then, I'll be half okay again. Half is enough, isn't it?

Getting swarmed with problems isn't something anyone will appreciate. School problems. Family problems. Existential crises. Early midlife crises. Wahahaha wow. Please *squeaks* help.

My feelings are mixed, like nuts. Missing her and not missing her at the same time is getting too weird. That's something because I've felt weirder emotions before. So now, I can't help but cope with it by eating a lot of donuts. Not to mention tacos.

So, yeah. [sorry i've been using that phrase/sentence a lot lately] I can't say it was a bad week. My nieces helped keep my happy levels up. But, now that I'm back in Manila, well it's been bland and boring and icky and awkward. 

I'm hoping November will be kind because life is playing hide-and-seek with me and I'm not sure where to hide. 

A LIST OF THINGS TO THINK ABOUT

I'm writing this because I am experiencing a drought of creativity and this is one interpretation of what others would call a "rain dance" (do you get my awesome metaphor; please laugh) and I'm being really weird because it's been raining like crazy here. 

It's also because I'm not really sure what to do with all the free time my mom gave me. To further explain the statement, she gave me the choice whether or not to go to school tomorrow, which is great because I've been feeling like shit in school and I had the ugliest week. Like a plethora of great dragon faces have come to stare down on me and breathe fire into my lungs. I'm not even kidding.

You are invited to read on if you are in want of updates on the uninteresting mind of a 14 year-old girl.

1. PAST, PRESENT & FUTURE

I can't help the way I find comfort in days that have never happened. The only reason that I survive to this day is because of "the future." Yet, it's mind-boggling how we work day and night for the day that we will live in luxury and yet never realize how the hands on our clocks ran away from us.

We are never aware that today is our future until it becomes our past.

And only then will we become riddled with regrets of things done and never done. It is upsetting how we humans have tried so hard to become people that we became animals instead. Always hunting for a brighter future when it is merely a mirage. 

I guess what I'm trying to say is that we should accept our past as what it is: years that are long gone from the universe that is reborn each time the earth rotates on its axis. And we should work in the present because it is our future. 

2. PRODUCTIVITY & BOREDOM

I have never been one to participate in the activities people my age join in. All I can do is mope around and be angry about mundane trivialities that are of no valid importance to the rest of the universe whatsoever. Thus, I am causing my own monotonous existence. And I have the balls to complain about it, too.

I am a sad kid with a premature existential crisis.

That being said, I have to start exploring pursuits that are way out of my comfort zone. I've said the same a couple of times before but I've never done anything about it (yay go me) demonstrating once again my lack of purpose and excessive laziness.

This year, I am welcoming new things and new people. I admit I am afraid of change. Deathly scared of it. Either way, change is the only constant thing in our lives. 

Lastly,

3. HAPPINESS

I am absolutely dry with negativity. Past traumatising events and unforetold feelings have haunted me for the past week all because of a draggy quarrel with a couple of girls in my school. I am yanked back into long ago and with it comes all the pain and fear that stemmed from a simple confession in the Biology lab last November.

I know I shouldn't depend on other people for happiness, but, where shall I draw the said emotion from? I love humans. Most of the time, I don't seem like I do, what with my laptop being my only companion for severed weekends. But, I do. Love humans, I mean. The only problem is I haven't seen any humans for the past fourteen years and four months. 

Reading quotes from Tumblr has convinced me all the more that happiness is an illusion achieved only through personal suffering and contentment. And that is correct. Although this philosophy is clearly thought of by society as an individual being self-centered and focused only on personal gain, it is a logical and realistic point of view.

The world is cruel and we should do everything to free ourselves from the dragon's keep. And to attain our liberty, the creature must be slain by our fists and swords alone for no knight will come with all gallantry to save this damsel in distress.

PLAYLIST: CHANGING TIMES + BONUS PARAGRAPHS AND PHOTOS

House Of Gold - Twenty One Pilots
King and Lionheart - Of Monsters and Men
20/20 - Pupil
U.F.O - Coldplay
Gimme Twice - The Royal Concept
Submarines - The Lumineers
Keep On Walking - Passenger
Start Anew - Beady Eye

Hooray for new posts! I finally got around to finishing my September Playlist and I hope you guys enjoy listening to it as much as I had fun putting it together.

I just downloaded The Lumineers' album and it is amazing! If the sun and the rain had a baby, this album would be it. Well, technically, rainbows are the sun and rain's babies so I guess The Lumineers are made of rainbows. 

It's been a great few weeks, although, I'm still having trouble forgetting things that I should. I find myself reminiscing at odd moments of the day and that isn't doing me any good. It's really difficult to keep the unwanted flashbacks buried inside my head. They're like bugs you thought you've killed, but, they aren't really dead and they just come back to crawl between your cracks.

[I think I need an infinite supply of insect repellent for the odious pests.]

On a better note, I got my own Fujifilm Instax Mini 8!!! 

To celebrate the welcoming of Bambi [yes that is the name of my instax I really like naming things okay] here are a few of the polaroid photos from my friends.

clockwise from top left: Geri and I, Lissy took that photo during our Algebra period (oops); with Christina after we had our "blogger photoshoot" ; with Geri again (same day haha); the last one with Jorelle, my babe when she pulled me in her classroom for a random photo

I hope I can capture really worthwhile photos with Bambi. After all, she's just a one-take shot, what with the film being quite pricey and all.

To put an end to this post, I'll go with the monthly realization thing I'm going for: I'm not expecting September to be any better than August. The only thing I can do is float along the river and not fight against it's currents because that's when shit starts to happen. No one will help you clean up once the putrid evidence of said shit begins to appear and that's another mess in itself. Better to just go with the flow than crap all over yourself.

LIEBSTER AWARD (OH!!)

A week ago, I was nominated by one of my best blogger buddies, Sam, for the Liebster Award. Although I know she only did it to help me feel more or less elated, I am flattered that my sad excuse for a blog is somewhat worthy enough for a mention. Thank you Sam!

What is your favorite day of the week and why?

Probably Friday because the rest of the weekend lies ahead before you. There's a whole world of prospects out there and it always make me happier, even though it's a tiny bit, to think that I wouldn't have to deal with people if I don't feel like doing so. Fridays are when I tear through the confines of misery and social rejection. Nothing bad ever happens to me on a Friday. At least for now.

Describe your music taste.

I don't listen to a lot of mainstream music. Just a little though whenever my sad indie songs don't play well. I really like songs that take me to new places and lyrics that explore new frontiers of emotions. In my opinion, a great artist arouses a new person in each of us and what makes a song precious is that a fresh personality exists only within the several minutes that limits the track.

Favorite breakfast food?

PANCAKES NO DOUBT. 

Books or Movies? Why?

I won't deny that I am something of a cinephile. I love movies. But I prefer books over films any day. Mostly because books challenge me to occupy sort of a different universe every time. I love how words come pouring out of the page straight behind your eyes only to start simmering at the back of your mind as if embedded there. When I read a book, I feel like I am sharing an intimate moment with the author, as though he or she were sitting in front of me and telling me the story themselves. 

Rainy or Hot days?

Honestly, rainy days take the cake. I live by the idea that the rain can rinse me of all that I'd like to let go of. Unfortunately, it's not working too well at the moment.

Give three songs you love but would be too embarrassed to sing?

I'm not sure. I sing all the songs in my guilty pleasure playlists. (I know this isn't much of an answer I'm so sorry)

Describe your 7th birthday.

I WENT TO HONG KONG DISNEYLAND AND IT WAS AMAZING!! I rode Space Mountain countless times until I felt like the world was going to fall out beneath me. I also ate a lot of egg tarts. Come to think of it, that may be able to justify my vomiting in my bed when we were back at the hotel. 

Describe your favorite Christmas day.

I spend my Christmas days sleeping, but, I do have to answer this. My favorite one was when I had a dream where I was in the north pole and I met a gingerbread man. Santa was there, with all his elves and reindeer. I got to eat a whole room made of candy, too. That was a good dream.

Any memories you know you'd never forget? Why?
I never remember anything in detail. I mostly remember how it felt to be in that certain point of my life. I know I'd never forget a feeling. It's a difficult thing to have. I've been through some of the happiest bits of my life so far and I live in constant fear of never being able to feel that way again. But, even more bothersome is how painful it is to relive memories. Truthfully, I am exhausted and I just want to forget.

Describe what you're feeling right now with a book title.
Smiles To Go (written by Jerry Spinelli, it's good okay go read it)

I nominate:

Bea, from The Sporadic Thoughts

Alyanna, from Okay Alyanna

Jorelle, from Finding Jorelle
Rachelle, from Rachelle's Adventures

My questions:
1.) What is the first thing you notice in a person's appearance? Why?
2.) What are your top 5 songs when on a road trip?
3.) Describe your typical Saturday morning.
4.) How do you feel about school?
5.) What are you most afraid of?
6.) Would you prefer to be a turtle or an ant? Why?
7.) Do you still watch cartoons? If so, give examples of your favorites.
8.) If you were to go on a trip to another country, who would you like to travel with?
9.) Describe your first memory.
10.) Have you ever wanted to say something to someone but are too afraid to do so? Why?

WANDERING

Life's been pretty great. I don't feel like I'm suffocating that much anymore. Writing the things I appreciate everyday is helping me out quite a bit. Making time for my friends (and the weird things we do) is sort of what keeps me going.

Yesterday, we had a half-day off school and I spent it in Sam's house! We had a really hipster phtoshoot (mine was a fail) in a park near her house. I now know what it feels like to have photos taken of you in public, while you're in a skirt.

Jabs being her pretty self, having a moment with a flower. She has a blog too, which is pretty great so check it out!

Christina and Lia! Unfortunately, Lia doesn't have a blog, but, we're trying to convince her to make one.

Sam, cutie! She made this abundance of jpegs happen.

 

I'm the reason people kept looking at us weirdly. They probably thought I was drunk or something.

LONELY KID

(Please don't get intimidated by how long this post is. Read on.)

Everything's going upside down lately. Even my insides feel as though they've been shit on and microwaved. You can not argue that this is the result of my hormones going bananas. That is untrue. If you tell me the reason of my being emotionally unstable is related to the changes going on inside my body, you are lying and I will fart angrily on you. That's a promise. 

I keep most of my promises. I will definitely keep that one. Hahaha.

Mourning for the continual loss of my love life and the increasing number of my insecurities is exhausting me beyond comprehension. I don't even need to exercise anymore to lose weight. I just have to over think situations then boom! I magically feel like I ran a marathon. 

I'm just trying to make you laugh here. That's how I work. I share my worries in a humorous way so people think I'm joking about things. Truthfully speaking, I feel like crying every moment of everyday. Don't get me wrong, my love life isn't the only complication. Everything is a dilemma. I just don't talk much about my issues in fear that humanity will get tired of dealing with my shit and the world will banish me to Jupiter or something. 

Maybe a lot of people my age don't understand how being depressed actually works. You don't have to have life-changing, disastrous problems to be depressed. Depression is a medical condition. Some people are just stuck with it. You might think they are over reacting or seeking attention, but, you can't say that for sure. 

I'm aware that sucky situations exist and continually happen in many aspects of life. We deal with shit people on shit days that become even more shitty as the hours wear on. We become so used to that part of ourselves that it consumes us. 

I am so tired of being lonely and having to suppress the waterfalls beneath my eyelids. I prefer the world to be right side up. I want oven baked insides instead of microwaved fuckery. For so long I was in a sinking ship and I don't want to drown anymore.

I lost myself for a while there. I didn't know how to exist without needing someone to need me. Then epiphany struck. I need to exist for myself.

I'm proud to say that I'm reworking little bits of my soul. I'd like to be happier and healthier. This is how I'll begin:

+ start reading again

+ drink more water

+ exercise 

+ eat healthy

+ write everything (from insignificantly tiny to universally important)

+ sleep earlier

+ make art

+ take workshops

+ make more friends

+ make more time to spend with friends

+ give time to myself (meditate!)

+ when experiencing any overwhelming feelings for someone (ranging from furious to grateful), tell them

+ lessen the bad words (i hope)

+ list down things i'm thankful for/happy about everyday

+ make room for new people and new memories

+ wear whatever the hell i want

+ stop caring a whole lot about what other people think and start listening to myself

You can begin again, too.

- - -

Maybe this post made you laugh, maybe it made you cry. Maybe it helped you cope through whatever you're going through. Whatever it may be, I'd like to know what you guys thought about it. 

Share this post to people who may need a little cheering up.

14

Birthdays aren't really my thing. I don't do well with my birthday and I'm a rubbish gift-giver when it's yours. Overall, my feelings about celebrations of birth are more like: ewithewiuhEHGUIERhRWKEH.

The 22nd was cool, I guess. We went to Star City and I rode this ride four times straight. It was the Frisbee ride which threw you about 90 degrees to the left and right while having the main thing spinning around. The first two times were lovely, the third was okay and the fourth time was hell.

We had shawarma rice as really late dinner. I'm pretty sure it's the best shawarma rice in the world, I'm not even kidding. Of course, I wouldn't tell where it is cause it's MIIINE!

I was with two of my sisters (three if you count my sister's girlfriend), my brother, my nephews, my cousins and my sister's friend and her sons.

Overall it was a pretty good birthday. I guess I thought it would feel different but, nothing's really changed. In any case, no matter how much I deny it, I am fourteen years old. Fourteen f-ing years old. That sort of sucks, tbh. I'm considered too old for my childish endeavours, yet, I am still juvenile for more "grown-up" matters. I'm really everything in between. And I'm not exactly walking a straight path here. I am lost, unsure of the steps before me. Despite the blindfold covering my eyes, I have to learn to take things one foot in front of the other.

- - -

I edited my about page if you'd like to take a peek.

PLAYLIST: DRAINING SUMMER

Three Little Birds - Bob Marley
We're Going To Be Friends - The White Stripes
Banana Pancakes - Jack Johnson
Kids - The Kooks (MGMT cover)
Buckets of Rain - Bob Dylan
Good People - Jack Johnson
All My Loving - The Beatles
Something Good Can Work - Two Door Cinema Club

I'm having a miserable summer, tbh. I have no money, no food and no friends. Who am I kidding, that's actually normal wey hey. 

So anyway, this playlist consists mostly of oldies. Ahaha I'm so cool that way jk. I haven't really been discovering any new songs lately because I'm too busy practicing old ones on my ukulele. I named my ukulele Marley, after Bob Marley. *duh* See:

Yup, the cool one with the awesome personality, that's Marley. And the bleh one next to him is me. Oh you can see Sulley and a little bit of Finn and Jake in the background. 

   Thirteen more days to my birthday, holy asdasjkhj.

HELLO FROM MY BED

Again, I must call myself out for being a horrible blogger. I'm so sorry. I have no excuse for not posting anything, so I'd rather not talk about it.

I changed my blog address and title yaaayyy. I don't know why I did it, I just felt like I needed the change.

The humdrum summer of an almost fourteen year-old with internet access is pretty much the only topic I have. Deal with it. Hahaha.

I watched and re-watched loads of movies all month. It is becoming an unhealthy obsession. Literally unhealthy. I've been sleeping at 8AM and waking up at 3PM. Yeah, you can tell that I got sick. I'm still sick. Here we go again with my tiny nose issues. Anyway, I've watched 16534716257 movies and these are a few:

Roman Holiday (1953)

Breakfast at Tiffany's (1961)

Manhattan (1979)

Chances Are (1989)

Lost in Translation (2003)

Becoming Jane (2007)

Beginners (2010)

Somewhere (2010)

Submarine (2010)

The Help (2011)

Midnight in Paris (2011)

My Week With Marilyn (2011)

Celeste and Jesse Forever (2012)

Ruby Sparks (2012)

If you haven't watched some of these, YOU SHOULD.

The one remotely exciting thing that happened all summer was a three-day trip to the beach last week. It was refreshing to get away from the internet for a while. I'm kidding. But, it was still a great weekend, even without Tumblr and YouTube. The weather was really good and the sea was welcoming, except for a few jellyfish who didn't want me there. They could've asked nicely instead of stinging the hell out of my left hand. 

Other than that, I've been living in my bed with the internet as a substitute for social interactions. Let's pretend my laptop can provide me with the adequate amount of love and comfort that people can get from each other. To be honest, I'm having trouble with this whole functioning-human-being thing.

I am now aware that it is 6AM on the 1st of May. It's officially my birthday month. I'm turning fourteen in twenty-one days. That is depressing.

NEW POST + NEW PLAYLIST HURRAH

I am a bad blogger. It's been 89 days since I've last posted. I am a very bad blogger. I am ashamed. I haven't had any time to post anything because of emotional distress, procrastination, stupid-mistakes-that-seemed-like-a-good-idea-at-the-time and "schoolwork." Yeah, I am one busy muffin.

I'm not sure why a muffin would be busy so let's just pretend that there's some truth to my metaphor. Haha.

Yesterday, I woke up at 7am and I had pretty much nothing to do. I decided to "get fit" and go jogging. The jogging thing was supposed to be for 30 minutes. And to be clear, I'm not doing this to get thin or anything, I'm doing this because I'm one of the most physically unfit people in the whole world. Honestly, I get dizzy by climbing five steps up the stairs. So yeah. Embarrasing to say I lay on the ground, looking like I've been down a waterfall, after five minutes of running, but, that's what happened. I'm never doing it again oh my God.

MOVING ON

Here's a motivational illustration by Marc Johns:

Funny how this photo never fails to make me feel okay. I hope this may be of help.

I've decided to include a playlist because yolo. jk, I'm not into any of that yolo shit. But, seriously, I'm putting up a playlist just so I can make this post longer than usual and make you think that this would suffice for my famine of updates haha.

So, here's my playlist which contains weirdly romantic songs. yay.

You and I - Ingrid Michaelson
Woah Oh Oh Oh - The Ascetic Junkies
Only Love - Ben Howard
I Will Wait - Mumford and Sons
Ho Hey - The Lumineers
Us - Regina Spektor
Wonderin - Nicole Reynolds
Prettiest Friend - Jason Mraz
Miss You - Ed Sheeran

DO NOT BLAME ME FOR MY CORNY LOVE SONGS OKAY.

12.18.12

Photos by Lissi Tan-Palanca. I hope she doesn't mind that I stole them. Nyahaha.

I'm posting this because Sammy requested me to update my blog.

Today was the last day of school for the year 2012. I can't say it wasn't fun. Although it turned sorta ridiculous at times, like for example, when nuns suddenly danced with parols. My God. That was hilarious. Today was also the last day of exams. We had our test in Algebra yesterday. I'm going to fail, I just know it. I am not being pessimistic at all. Actually, I'm quite the opposite. I've been optimistic since last week. So that's cool.

I am feeling mildly dejected. It's probably because I won't be seeing another human for three weeks. Family members aren't considered human. They suck out your soul. Anyway, I really hate last days. They make me feel so melancholy and I would have trouble sleeping for a week. I get really overwhelmed about how I could miss a group of people so much. It's only been a few hours into Christmas vacation and I just want to go back to school. What can I say? Annoying people grow on me.

So over the course of the next few weeks, I will be updating about boring events and realizations that I will be having during the break. Let's all thank God that I just bought Emma by Jane Austen so I'll probably be posting about that soon.

7 days til Christmas
3 days til The End of the World

WOW

A lot has happened to me in the span of time between my last post and today. I don't really want to expand on that because it would be weird and inappropriate to be sharing this on the internet, but, to reassure you of my welfare, I am okay. I promise. I'm not as great as what I would've wanted to be, but, I'm enough. Ha-ha. It's getting sorta weird in my house, though. It almost feels as if everyone is in a conspiracy to keep something from me. I HAVE TO KNOW WHATEVER THE HELL IT IS.

My room is being renovated. It's now painted white and they're installing more closets and shelves. My white walls will not be so white in a few months time because I shall be painting them in a weird hipster-ish manner. My room will be cool, I'm telling you! I'll take pictures when it's completely done.

Oh right. I meant to tell you guys the last time except I kept on forgetting. I used to have a tumblr account, but, I got way too addicted. I mean, for a person who can never be torn away from her laptop, this time, I knew I was addicted. So, I stopped for a year and a half, I think? Something like that. Now, I am back and I am most definitely NOT going to be obsessed again. I swear. Here is a link. Also, you guys need to read my tumblr's further page because the way I introduce myself there is hilarious and decidedly truthful. What can I say?

So yeah. I hope I get cool Christmas presents and I hope next year would be hella better than this year. Be okay, peeps.

I AM WEIRD

This is my attempt at being vain. I am a failure to all of vanity's big believers. I'm sorry.

I am in my room, trying to keep real quiet because I am currently hiding from my family and the visitors. They all think I'm asleep so I'm doing my best to encourage their belief. Anyway, the past few days have been overwhelming. I'm not really used to feeling so happy. The lovelife progress made this week was more than I expected. I hope she's not reading this, otherwise I'd be very embarrased. And I would be more than my usual amount of awkward next week.

Caribou and Le Loup are doing a very good job of taking over my playlist. Listen to some of their other songs. Caribou makes me feel in love. Ha-ha.

If anybody wants to get me a Christmas gift, here's my list:

1. FOOD

2. An abundance of origami paper

3. A good non-shitty book

4. A really long letter with lots of effort put into it.

5. Stuff you think I might want, related to fandoms etc..

I am the easiest person to give a gift to. Just give me cute shit and I'm cool with it.

LOVE (AND IT'S UNFORTUNATE EFFECTS.)

Hello friends. Long time, no post. If anybody wants to know what I have been up to, I've just been mostly slugging along through life. I have a really bad case of colds and my small nose, as you all know because of my ridiculous blog title, is incapable of breathing when I get sick becuase of its tiny airway. In one post, I said that I don't think about love. Well, I LIED. Yeah, I know what you guys are thinking: Oooh, she's only thirteen and she says she has a love life. She's too young to understand what real love is. Oh no what's happening to her stupid generation. Just shut up, please. Times are different now. Thirteen year olds really do have love lives. There are kids who have more controversial ones. Because mine is currently nonexistant. Ugh. I hate people. (I really don't, but, can the universe just spare this pitious moment for my soul? I am in need of emotional renovation.)

And because of the aforementioned love life complexities, I've gone back to my pessimistic manners. Okay, back up. Before 6th grade, I was this cool emo kid who keeps quiet, talks only to a certain group of people, and is a total snob. But, after a while, I decided to talk to more people and voila! I am now this weird, geeky person who does not deserve to be called a human beng because she has no life. Mehehe. So yeah. I am back to my only-talking-to-a-few-people habit and I am once again a social hermit. I get like this when I'm lonely. I mean, I'm lonely all the time, but, when I'm super lonely, I revert back to said characteristics. And yes, the word super really does make a difference.

I don't like love. At all. I have no love for love. If that even makes sense. They say it's this magical, wondrous force that will make you feel all tingly and perfect inside. Ha! It's all bullcrap. It hurts people when it's not supposed to. Children should not be exposed to the concept of love (and all it's cruel, hurtful ways) until age thirty or something. Disney movies, I blame you! Love will only make you feel weird and depressed. Keep away from it. I'm warning you.

As of now, I have absolutely no clue what I am going to do about my current predicament. I think I am in love, but, I am trying not to get used to that idea, lest my feelings become true. And really, the person is just plain wrong. I feel so weird right now, sharing all of this on the internet. It's a good thing very few people read this. Only friends and classmates. Yeah. You guys know who you are.

So, I apologize for burdening you with my petty problems. And I am also very sorry for the lack of photos. My camera is currently being borrowed (and held hostage) by my brother. I mean, don't get me wrong, it's okay that he's borrowing it. It's not like I have anything to take photos of. Nyahaha. I guess this concludes today's post. Okay, bye. I might put up a playlist soon. I am promising nothing.

10.2.12

The only reason I'm updating is because I feel like it. I'm warning you though, if you do not want to become a lot bored-er than you already are, stop reading this post. But, if you think this meager blog is interesting enough for you or if you just want to amuse yourself with the way I write my shit posts, then, by all means, my friend! Read on!

So, it's the second day of October and I am hoping that this month would be better than the last one. Although, I do not think that is possible due to fact that report cards will be given on the 13th. Don't get me wrong, it's not like I'm wishing for high grades since I already know that that is impossible for me to achieve. Okay, maybe not impossible. I just lack the effort, that's all. Anyway, enough of my stupid rambling about things that you, dear reader, do not give a shit about.

THE MARK OF ATHENA IS OUT TODAAAY!! Let's all be unicorns and roll on glitter and cotton candy together!

I know this doesn't count as my writing nonsense, but, I just have to type it in here. I wrote a letter to a friend and this is part of it that I found absolutely hilarious: "I like turtles. I don't like love because it hurts people even though it's not supposed to." I really have no clue why I find that funny. I realize now that it's pretty depressing. Oh God, I am weird.

I have been told that I am an ineffective hacker. I hacked my friend's Twitter account and they figured out who it was before I even got to tweet the good stuff. Most probably because I am the only hacker that would post geeky things like "I AM A DARK WIZARD, A SUPPORTER OF VOLDEMORT!!" and "My identity!! It has been compromised!!" <---- the actual fucking tweets. And, according to my friend, I "type weirdly." I told her I just type the way I write. I actually capitalize the first letter of the sentence and I use punctuation marks. I also rarely use shortcuts. I will have to formulate a way to cover up my hacker flaws and become the perfect hacker! Although, that would mean giving up my grammar and spelling values.

Okay, I'm ending this blog post with another funny GIF:

SICKO

I've been feeling sick lately. Not the fever and colds kind. It's more like when you eat a lot of cake or drink chocolate milk too fast, then you get all queasy and suddenly throw up. Just sick. Of everything. But, no, I'm not about to kill myself. Way too many things I have to do first. And suicide isn't really my thing. But it's normal, I think, for people like me to feel fed up of life, for the most part. It's sorta like a super power for teenagers. We could be called The Injustice League. Because of reasons. Well anyway, enough of my nonsensical sentences.

Here are the songs I'm currently listening to:

Oh My God - Ida Maria

Fool - Cat Power

Carried Away - The Kooks

Holiday - Vampire Weekend

Mouth Drum - French Cassettes

Needing/Getting - OK Go

Someday -The Strokes

Long Distance Call - Phoenix

Golden Sea - French Films

I just discovered Ida Maria last week. She is lovely and she's got a beautiful throaty voice. Oh My God is the perfect translation of how I feel most of the time.

I wish I'd have a sunnier disposition, but sadly, I don't think I'll develop that until after I become a grandmother. Grandmothers should be nice and friendly, therefore, I will stop hating on the world when I get grandchildren.

IN A BOTTLE

I've heard of the phrase "in a nutshell." It's used for when you summarize things. I don't like using that phrase. I like to use "in a bottle" instead. I don't know why. I'm not even trying to be original here or whatever. I use "in a bottle" when I write in my journal. I don't actually say it.

Well, anyway, I promised constant nonsense updates about my life and even though I am absolutely sure no one is even reading this, I'll type them down. So in a bottle, my life currently consists of Laura Marling's music, chapter books (not from the teenage romance genre), hot chocolate, The Amazing Softball Miracle (I'll explain in the next paragraph) and Flaming Hot Cheetos. Laura Marling is my female Ed Sheeran. Her music is so beautiful. I wish they play her songs on the radio instead of the silly Justin Bieber singles.

Anyway, The Amazing Softball Miracle (as I've dubbed it) happened yesterday. I am not good at sports. From an early age I just knew, I suck at it. Mostly because I don't like becoming sweaty and am too lazy to actually exert much physical effort to do anything. Okay, so to the point, we have Softball in our PhysEd curriculum this year and until the Miracle happened, I've never caught a ball or threw properly or ran properly or anything at all. Then, yesterday I suddenly got better at it. There are no words I can use to properly convey how much of a mystery this is to me. So maybe most people won't really understand, but, I think it's a really big deal.

I just realized this post is becoming waaay too long and awkward for my liking. So, goodbye.