LONELY KID

(Please don't get intimidated by how long this post is. Read on.)

Everything's going upside down lately. Even my insides feel as though they've been shit on and microwaved. You can not argue that this is the result of my hormones going bananas. That is untrue. If you tell me the reason of my being emotionally unstable is related to the changes going on inside my body, you are lying and I will fart angrily on you. That's a promise. 

I keep most of my promises. I will definitely keep that one. Hahaha.

Mourning for the continual loss of my love life and the increasing number of my insecurities is exhausting me beyond comprehension. I don't even need to exercise anymore to lose weight. I just have to over think situations then boom! I magically feel like I ran a marathon. 

I'm just trying to make you laugh here. That's how I work. I share my worries in a humorous way so people think I'm joking about things. Truthfully speaking, I feel like crying every moment of everyday. Don't get me wrong, my love life isn't the only complication. Everything is a dilemma. I just don't talk much about my issues in fear that humanity will get tired of dealing with my shit and the world will banish me to Jupiter or something. 

Maybe a lot of people my age don't understand how being depressed actually works. You don't have to have life-changing, disastrous problems to be depressed. Depression is a medical condition. Some people are just stuck with it. You might think they are over reacting or seeking attention, but, you can't say that for sure. 

I'm aware that sucky situations exist and continually happen in many aspects of life. We deal with shit people on shit days that become even more shitty as the hours wear on. We become so used to that part of ourselves that it consumes us. 

I am so tired of being lonely and having to suppress the waterfalls beneath my eyelids. I prefer the world to be right side up. I want oven baked insides instead of microwaved fuckery. For so long I was in a sinking ship and I don't want to drown anymore.

I lost myself for a while there. I didn't know how to exist without needing someone to need me. Then epiphany struck. I need to exist for myself.

I'm proud to say that I'm reworking little bits of my soul. I'd like to be happier and healthier. This is how I'll begin:

+ start reading again

+ drink more water

+ exercise 

+ eat healthy

+ write everything (from insignificantly tiny to universally important)

+ sleep earlier

+ make art

+ take workshops

+ make more friends

+ make more time to spend with friends

+ give time to myself (meditate!)

+ when experiencing any overwhelming feelings for someone (ranging from furious to grateful), tell them

+ lessen the bad words (i hope)

+ list down things i'm thankful for/happy about everyday

+ make room for new people and new memories

+ wear whatever the hell i want

+ stop caring a whole lot about what other people think and start listening to myself

You can begin again, too.

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Maybe this post made you laugh, maybe it made you cry. Maybe it helped you cope through whatever you're going through. Whatever it may be, I'd like to know what you guys thought about it. 

Share this post to people who may need a little cheering up.