A LIST OF THINGS TO THINK ABOUT

I'm writing this because I am experiencing a drought of creativity and this is one interpretation of what others would call a "rain dance" (do you get my awesome metaphor; please laugh) and I'm being really weird because it's been raining like crazy here. 

It's also because I'm not really sure what to do with all the free time my mom gave me. To further explain the statement, she gave me the choice whether or not to go to school tomorrow, which is great because I've been feeling like shit in school and I had the ugliest week. Like a plethora of great dragon faces have come to stare down on me and breathe fire into my lungs. I'm not even kidding.

You are invited to read on if you are in want of updates on the uninteresting mind of a 14 year-old girl.

1. PAST, PRESENT & FUTURE

I can't help the way I find comfort in days that have never happened. The only reason that I survive to this day is because of "the future." Yet, it's mind-boggling how we work day and night for the day that we will live in luxury and yet never realize how the hands on our clocks ran away from us.

We are never aware that today is our future until it becomes our past.

And only then will we become riddled with regrets of things done and never done. It is upsetting how we humans have tried so hard to become people that we became animals instead. Always hunting for a brighter future when it is merely a mirage. 

I guess what I'm trying to say is that we should accept our past as what it is: years that are long gone from the universe that is reborn each time the earth rotates on its axis. And we should work in the present because it is our future. 

2. PRODUCTIVITY & BOREDOM

I have never been one to participate in the activities people my age join in. All I can do is mope around and be angry about mundane trivialities that are of no valid importance to the rest of the universe whatsoever. Thus, I am causing my own monotonous existence. And I have the balls to complain about it, too.

I am a sad kid with a premature existential crisis.

That being said, I have to start exploring pursuits that are way out of my comfort zone. I've said the same a couple of times before but I've never done anything about it (yay go me) demonstrating once again my lack of purpose and excessive laziness.

This year, I am welcoming new things and new people. I admit I am afraid of change. Deathly scared of it. Either way, change is the only constant thing in our lives. 

Lastly,

3. HAPPINESS

I am absolutely dry with negativity. Past traumatising events and unforetold feelings have haunted me for the past week all because of a draggy quarrel with a couple of girls in my school. I am yanked back into long ago and with it comes all the pain and fear that stemmed from a simple confession in the Biology lab last November.

I know I shouldn't depend on other people for happiness, but, where shall I draw the said emotion from? I love humans. Most of the time, I don't seem like I do, what with my laptop being my only companion for severed weekends. But, I do. Love humans, I mean. The only problem is I haven't seen any humans for the past fourteen years and four months. 

Reading quotes from Tumblr has convinced me all the more that happiness is an illusion achieved only through personal suffering and contentment. And that is correct. Although this philosophy is clearly thought of by society as an individual being self-centered and focused only on personal gain, it is a logical and realistic point of view.

The world is cruel and we should do everything to free ourselves from the dragon's keep. And to attain our liberty, the creature must be slain by our fists and swords alone for no knight will come with all gallantry to save this damsel in distress.