A LIST OF THINGS TO THINK ABOUT

I'm writing this because I am experiencing a drought of creativity and this is one interpretation of what others would call a "rain dance" (do you get my awesome metaphor; please laugh) and I'm being really weird because it's been raining like crazy here. 

It's also because I'm not really sure what to do with all the free time my mom gave me. To further explain the statement, she gave me the choice whether or not to go to school tomorrow, which is great because I've been feeling like shit in school and I had the ugliest week. Like a plethora of great dragon faces have come to stare down on me and breathe fire into my lungs. I'm not even kidding.

You are invited to read on if you are in want of updates on the uninteresting mind of a 14 year-old girl.

1. PAST, PRESENT & FUTURE

I can't help the way I find comfort in days that have never happened. The only reason that I survive to this day is because of "the future." Yet, it's mind-boggling how we work day and night for the day that we will live in luxury and yet never realize how the hands on our clocks ran away from us.

We are never aware that today is our future until it becomes our past.

And only then will we become riddled with regrets of things done and never done. It is upsetting how we humans have tried so hard to become people that we became animals instead. Always hunting for a brighter future when it is merely a mirage. 

I guess what I'm trying to say is that we should accept our past as what it is: years that are long gone from the universe that is reborn each time the earth rotates on its axis. And we should work in the present because it is our future. 

2. PRODUCTIVITY & BOREDOM

I have never been one to participate in the activities people my age join in. All I can do is mope around and be angry about mundane trivialities that are of no valid importance to the rest of the universe whatsoever. Thus, I am causing my own monotonous existence. And I have the balls to complain about it, too.

I am a sad kid with a premature existential crisis.

That being said, I have to start exploring pursuits that are way out of my comfort zone. I've said the same a couple of times before but I've never done anything about it (yay go me) demonstrating once again my lack of purpose and excessive laziness.

This year, I am welcoming new things and new people. I admit I am afraid of change. Deathly scared of it. Either way, change is the only constant thing in our lives. 

Lastly,

3. HAPPINESS

I am absolutely dry with negativity. Past traumatising events and unforetold feelings have haunted me for the past week all because of a draggy quarrel with a couple of girls in my school. I am yanked back into long ago and with it comes all the pain and fear that stemmed from a simple confession in the Biology lab last November.

I know I shouldn't depend on other people for happiness, but, where shall I draw the said emotion from? I love humans. Most of the time, I don't seem like I do, what with my laptop being my only companion for severed weekends. But, I do. Love humans, I mean. The only problem is I haven't seen any humans for the past fourteen years and four months. 

Reading quotes from Tumblr has convinced me all the more that happiness is an illusion achieved only through personal suffering and contentment. And that is correct. Although this philosophy is clearly thought of by society as an individual being self-centered and focused only on personal gain, it is a logical and realistic point of view.

The world is cruel and we should do everything to free ourselves from the dragon's keep. And to attain our liberty, the creature must be slain by our fists and swords alone for no knight will come with all gallantry to save this damsel in distress.

PLAYLIST: CHANGING TIMES + BONUS PARAGRAPHS AND PHOTOS

House Of Gold - Twenty One Pilots
King and Lionheart - Of Monsters and Men
20/20 - Pupil
U.F.O - Coldplay
Gimme Twice - The Royal Concept
Submarines - The Lumineers
Keep On Walking - Passenger
Start Anew - Beady Eye

Hooray for new posts! I finally got around to finishing my September Playlist and I hope you guys enjoy listening to it as much as I had fun putting it together.

I just downloaded The Lumineers' album and it is amazing! If the sun and the rain had a baby, this album would be it. Well, technically, rainbows are the sun and rain's babies so I guess The Lumineers are made of rainbows. 

It's been a great few weeks, although, I'm still having trouble forgetting things that I should. I find myself reminiscing at odd moments of the day and that isn't doing me any good. It's really difficult to keep the unwanted flashbacks buried inside my head. They're like bugs you thought you've killed, but, they aren't really dead and they just come back to crawl between your cracks.

[I think I need an infinite supply of insect repellent for the odious pests.]

On a better note, I got my own Fujifilm Instax Mini 8!!! 

To celebrate the welcoming of Bambi [yes that is the name of my instax I really like naming things okay] here are a few of the polaroid photos from my friends.

clockwise from top left: Geri and I, Lissy took that photo during our Algebra period (oops); with Christina after we had our "blogger photoshoot" ; with Geri again (same day haha); the last one with Jorelle, my babe when she pulled me in her classroom for a random photo

I hope I can capture really worthwhile photos with Bambi. After all, she's just a one-take shot, what with the film being quite pricey and all.

To put an end to this post, I'll go with the monthly realization thing I'm going for: I'm not expecting September to be any better than August. The only thing I can do is float along the river and not fight against it's currents because that's when shit starts to happen. No one will help you clean up once the putrid evidence of said shit begins to appear and that's another mess in itself. Better to just go with the flow than crap all over yourself.

LIEBSTER AWARD (OH!!)

A week ago, I was nominated by one of my best blogger buddies, Sam, for the Liebster Award. Although I know she only did it to help me feel more or less elated, I am flattered that my sad excuse for a blog is somewhat worthy enough for a mention. Thank you Sam!

What is your favorite day of the week and why?

Probably Friday because the rest of the weekend lies ahead before you. There's a whole world of prospects out there and it always make me happier, even though it's a tiny bit, to think that I wouldn't have to deal with people if I don't feel like doing so. Fridays are when I tear through the confines of misery and social rejection. Nothing bad ever happens to me on a Friday. At least for now.

Describe your music taste.

I don't listen to a lot of mainstream music. Just a little though whenever my sad indie songs don't play well. I really like songs that take me to new places and lyrics that explore new frontiers of emotions. In my opinion, a great artist arouses a new person in each of us and what makes a song precious is that a fresh personality exists only within the several minutes that limits the track.

Favorite breakfast food?

PANCAKES NO DOUBT. 

Books or Movies? Why?

I won't deny that I am something of a cinephile. I love movies. But I prefer books over films any day. Mostly because books challenge me to occupy sort of a different universe every time. I love how words come pouring out of the page straight behind your eyes only to start simmering at the back of your mind as if embedded there. When I read a book, I feel like I am sharing an intimate moment with the author, as though he or she were sitting in front of me and telling me the story themselves. 

Rainy or Hot days?

Honestly, rainy days take the cake. I live by the idea that the rain can rinse me of all that I'd like to let go of. Unfortunately, it's not working too well at the moment.

Give three songs you love but would be too embarrassed to sing?

I'm not sure. I sing all the songs in my guilty pleasure playlists. (I know this isn't much of an answer I'm so sorry)

Describe your 7th birthday.

I WENT TO HONG KONG DISNEYLAND AND IT WAS AMAZING!! I rode Space Mountain countless times until I felt like the world was going to fall out beneath me. I also ate a lot of egg tarts. Come to think of it, that may be able to justify my vomiting in my bed when we were back at the hotel. 

Describe your favorite Christmas day.

I spend my Christmas days sleeping, but, I do have to answer this. My favorite one was when I had a dream where I was in the north pole and I met a gingerbread man. Santa was there, with all his elves and reindeer. I got to eat a whole room made of candy, too. That was a good dream.

Any memories you know you'd never forget? Why?
I never remember anything in detail. I mostly remember how it felt to be in that certain point of my life. I know I'd never forget a feeling. It's a difficult thing to have. I've been through some of the happiest bits of my life so far and I live in constant fear of never being able to feel that way again. But, even more bothersome is how painful it is to relive memories. Truthfully, I am exhausted and I just want to forget.

Describe what you're feeling right now with a book title.
Smiles To Go (written by Jerry Spinelli, it's good okay go read it)

I nominate:

Bea, from The Sporadic Thoughts

Alyanna, from Okay Alyanna

Jorelle, from Finding Jorelle
Rachelle, from Rachelle's Adventures

My questions:
1.) What is the first thing you notice in a person's appearance? Why?
2.) What are your top 5 songs when on a road trip?
3.) Describe your typical Saturday morning.
4.) How do you feel about school?
5.) What are you most afraid of?
6.) Would you prefer to be a turtle or an ant? Why?
7.) Do you still watch cartoons? If so, give examples of your favorites.
8.) If you were to go on a trip to another country, who would you like to travel with?
9.) Describe your first memory.
10.) Have you ever wanted to say something to someone but are too afraid to do so? Why?